Some introspections and snippet of how last day of last year went, my trip to London.

January 14, 2023

Hi Reader,

So when I started blogging in 2018 what was in my mind was I need to become a writer and that’s still an aspiration i keep back of my mind. .manifesting one day i will achieve the goal..but on some levels I am a writer so that’s that.

I want to write something today which has been in my mind of quite some time.

So I am an hyper independent women who feels physically uncomfortable to get help from people but obviously we need others help to live in this world that why we are social beings. I sometimes forget that and asking for help to people I already know takes a lot of thoughts. Is it just me? Even though I have amazing friends around me who would help me any time of the day or night I just am not comfortable asking for help. Also if personally I am a pretty introverted person and If there is any kind of people interaction, I wont go out of my way to help let alone me but anyone. Its just hard for me. I don’t mind being a called a bad person as that, some bad people have to be there in this world so that good people can co exist with them.

After the pandemic and now our office is working on a hybrid model ,I find myself just looking for days when its work from home and just straight up weekends to recharge my mind.

With moving to a new location work has been challenging on so many levels and meeting peoples’ expectation is so much more harder. But I try ..that’s all I can do at this point.

Also I thought I will write my thoughts out so that it wont scratch my brain more than it needs to. And most importantly I have to continue writing something.

Topic change:

I wrote about my London trip on my last post and I would like to say some events that happened in our trip, for one we went to see the prime meridian in Greenwich. So to jog up your memory we all (assuming in a general term) have studied in our 6th standard geography (I think) about longitudes and latitudes etc. which helps to understand time and all those things and prime meridian is the right middle of this things. These are the lines we see in the globe/atlas. Even I don’t have that much memory if you didn’t get and its any interest to you please google it.

So since our Airbnb was near the Greenwich O2 arena and my friend googled all these interesting places nearby to see and we were thinking of visiting the Greenwich prime meridian and even though our trip was for 9 whole days and we had to work in between for 2 days(the days between christamas and new years even though we have taken leaves.. don’t even ask), we chose the last fricking day of the year to visit this place.

Since its too close its a 40 min walk or a 8 minute cab drive away and since it was raining and our lazy asses got up at almost 11ish in the afternoon that day(31/12/2022) we chose to get the cab. It was surrounded but this park and it was on top of a very small hill .Just a few min climb. So there is a beautiful view point up there from where we could see the whole of London city. It was beautiful and it was drizzling the whole day but we enjoyed the view took some pictures. Paid almost 64 pounds for 4 people to get inside the observatory though, which we didn’t know they charged.

It was 16 pounds per person and to be honest to see that line it was a bit pricey. Its the whole louvre-Monalisa situation where we didn’t even get to stand more that few seconds on the line as it was too crowded. Then there was this museum with random things like not even related to the Greenwich but whom am I to judge but since we went all the way there walked the park and climbed the small steep hill we were forced by our conscious t o take that entry pass. But the view which we got for free I will let it slide this time.

Since we spend spend too much time(almost 4 hours) there and we had to get back home to get ready for the new years fireworks so fast. As it was almost 4 pm and 8 pm we had to be at the other end of London(have to get back eat food get freshen up and get ready for the whole different thing).But we still had plenty of time as its just a 8 min cab ride or we thought.

But for the life of four of us we were not getting any cabs, its not that we were not getting cabs we were getting cabs booked..iwe were unable to get the ride home, reason 1 was the pickup points which I am set is not an actual cab spot even thoug we could see cars coming and going. since the observatory is surrounded by a mile of park we had to walk almost 30 min to get out of the park and this time we exited on the other side of the park and not from where we entered. Mind you it was progressively getting chillier and the constant drizzle have now become a full blown rain attack.And we had walked one point to other to get a ride bacl After 2 hours of waiting in the darkness(4:20pm sunset) at 6 pm we got a cab which allowed all four of us to get in with the wet jackets and shoes and everything(as two other cab drivers came and went and the reasons where he wont take 4 people at a time and his car wont stop near the puddle area respectively),By this point we were tired, hungry and numb. The driver who picked us up was a good man and he dropped us at the nearest location from our place that we didn’t had to walk a lot. we finally reached Airbnb. heated ourselves up, Cooked some. food, ate and got freshen up to see some friends before going to the fireworks. So that was the Greenwich timeline day for us

But you know what out of all the 9 days of London experience, This was one of the things which stayed in my mind.. It was a hard day but we finished strong, the year as well.. we didn’t give up,, we didn’t have any other choice we made it to safety on time. Its not some big life changing experience but still its an experience. And again the cliché is I never thought I will be stranded on a different country dark in rain and trying to get out of a situation with no other help than my friends and the power of internet.

PS: Later that day we waited for almost 5 hours in the drizzle, almost got claustrophobic in the crowd near the London eye to see the firework and while coming back we almost got lost in the crowd again and gotten followed by a creepy man. But that’s the story for another time.

Adding a few pictures from that day

this is me and the above one is me on meridian.

This was the beautiful view point I was talking about.

What happened in last 4 months

March 10, 2022

Yes I was MIA for past 4 months from here and I think I have a valid reasons.

Reason number 1:I was tired, I didn’t had anything new to say and I felt like I was going in a loop with my blog posts.

Reason number 2:My twin sister who I lived with for 25 years has moved to Australia in the span of 3 months which I did not see coming. This just made me block everything happening my life .I had to take out a lot of energy to cope with it. Since it was a huge change and I am happy for her but I was also sad that she is leaving me for good.

Reason number 3:As always self doubt, I didn’t feel like I was a writer just because I write my blogs and my mental state was why write at all.

So I wanted to come here and tell to everyone that I am alive, mentally coping up and will definitely continue writing.

PS:

1.I got my drivers license finally, if anyone was wondering, I reattended the test in December and I passed the test with flying colour’s. Even I couldn’t believe it.

2.I learned to solve a 3X3 Rubik’s cube as well . It was relatively easy when I finished but almost took me 2 weeks to learn. Now I solve them all the time(Tiny flex)

What’s happening to my mind

June 16, 2025

I used write here during 2020 when the world was shut down during Covid and then I stopped altogether when the time passed ,life was happening. but now again I have this urge to create something from nothing and the creative space which I haven’t exhausted yet is writing and it just comes easily to me . I am not someone who writes more on emotions and I like to just vent based on those line of thoughts.

These days the major thing which is taking up most of my space mentally is why is world in such a bad place .. everywhere it seems everything is crumbling .. and it’s not affecting me physically so its as simple as just stop looking .NO.. is it..should I just stop going through news and just let my mental health not deteriorate.

The only problem is that I don’t want to but I can’t stop looking for these news. It’s confusing that even 5 years back , it was the same the world was crumbling right in front of our eyes . People were suffering then people are suffering now.

There is no end to it okay I think there is no insightful point to this post as well.

I am okay mentally not as bad as some of my previous days, but I am really trying to be mature and not make things about me when world is suffering.

Reality of thinking

June 14, 2025

I have always felt that I am never living in reality.always running far away from it rather.does that make any sense ..being a real person but never living in reality .

Reading is the main culprit but it’s rather a coping mechanism for not giving into pain,hardships and life as a very boring reality. I know that sounds ungrateful.

Great minds have always thought and I don’t know if most of us in this world in this generation are great minds because that’s all we do as a collective.Think . That’s also escaping reality.

But I know a lot of people who live life just cruising through it without any real thought . But then that’s another thought of mine . I don’t know what’s going through minds of other people .

Okay maybe there is no point in this line of thoughts which I am writing on a train journey and bored of reading . So I thought I would write this.if you get the irony.

Review : The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank

November 24, 2024

I do see myself as a serious reader at times.. After all I have been reading or not reading a book for almost a decade now. When I am not reading a book which I have started to DNF, always had in mind should I continue or not or what to read next. I have read almost all genre maybe not all but most from English classics to Wattpad and TikTok recommendations which are sometimes really good.. its been a really great journey so far.. yes ..so today is one of those days where I felt good to be a reader as I am sitting here just finished listening to the audio book of the diary of a young girl by Anne frank, got this immense sense to write about it(even though it has been years since I posted anything here really) to commemorate this really unique gift of reading that I got myself into.

Yes so about the book I loved it…Its not because of just the horrors that a young girl like herself has gone through but the articulation and the emotional intelligence of young girl like her that the world has lost. Maybe there were millions of people like her who really had a sense of clearness of finding thoughts so clearly on such a young age.. some of the understanding that me a human just up until realized recently she had it then.. I am in awe that i got to read about it after so many years as well. In school we had a chapter on Anne Franks dairy, not sure which year..so she is not really a stranger but it took me these many years to take this book to read because I was afraid of the heartbreak.. and yes my heart did break at the end.. but the thought process of a young person in 1940s is what surprised me the books she read the dynamic of her character.. and I might look like a brambling lunatic who had no idea of Anne franks work and life.. yes I was not completely aware of itshe wrote so freely.. For some parts I could relate to her as a 14 year old.. and even though she didn’t know her dairy will be this open to the world. As a world known writer I hope she will live on for ever even with only 15 years of her life she got to spend in this world.

It was a tragedy and only one of which we got to go through and this is a testament of human endurance and will to live. In todays modern world it does resonate a lot where we are trying to find what’s right from wrong.. and most of the times when we feel that everything is going wrong with the media churning out all the wrongs in the world, I do yearn for simpler times. But as we only have now to live through much better times for some but not for others.. we can only learn from from our past.

Also I love that I am reader who get to see through various minds of people. I will try to read more as we are ending towards 2024 and write more as well.

PS: Life update in past 2 years a lot has changed in my life, will write about it if i post somethings next time.. mostly sooner than later.

Things I did last year for the first time. Its funny but I feel accomplished…maybe its not that funny.

January 18, 2023
1.I left the country for the first time. 2.what the hell am I doing with my life…like really.. like I am at a place where I need to have to have some kind of idea but I don’t 3.A lot of existential crisis ..that too in one year. 4.finally got on a roller coater for the first time 5.Tried Japanese’s food. 6.Went for grocery shopping alone 7.That too a lot of shopping alone. 8.Went for a movie alone 9.Finally didn’t decide to any kind of new years resolution for this year. Every year I have something.. oh sorry.. getting back into blogging is one of them i think. and reading more..because all I have read last year is 7 books and its sad. 10.Solved a Rubik’s cube 11.Talked to strangers for direction 12.Sat on a Ferris wheel,. sorry make it 2 13.Ridden the train alone, bus alone. 14.I went from being a reasonably sociable person to straight up unapproachable, at least in my dreams. 15.I am not superficial and I like myself so much that I Don’t want to put myself out there at all. So didn’t do it last year as well.

PS: Almost had a panic attack yesterday for being late to work. .but then I called in work from home and it was nice. I didn’t call by the way I texted my lead

Its 2023 already

January 11, 2023

Hi Reader assuming someone will ever read this one day… any day in future..

I used to be a blogger of some sort(air quotes) back until 2021 and then I stopped doing it even though this was the one good thing which made me feel like I accomplished something in life. Even one stranger sees this also I used to be elated at the thought of it.

And if you are reading my posts for the first time, I used to be a sad girl who writes sad poems, small unflattering sad details from my little brain and then everything changed when my sister traveled to Australia for work and that was hard for me and then I moved to UK for work and that just crumpled up all my energy for various tasks that I couldn’t have mind free to think about writing or reading.And I am still a sad little girl

So this year I want to dust both of my hobbies back again. Not because I am not anxious or bitter anymore, Just that I want to feel better about it.

I will write every Wednesday and Saturday’s am thinking I will. Maybe… poems of how miserable my brain is and or just accounts of my life in general for a future me to read.

So enough with the introduction, since I was not available for the last one year maybe i have done like 2-3 posts ..I want to quickly summaries how 2022 was for me.

I am currenty 26 and I moved to UK when I was 25..For a girl who wanted experience adventure last year has been a choke hold on my neck so I couldnt breathe but then unchoking to feed me honey. I am not talking about a before/after experience, its the ongoing process through out the year.It was a mix of long insufferable moments with bits of happiness /peace.

I struggled but it was too rewarding in life for some reason. I wouldn’t have gotten to do any of these sort of things in my life ever or travel but my mental health oh my god..it took a toll guys ..IT_TOOK_A_TOLL on me. I am not concentrating anymore, I am vigorously trying to get to some goal even though I didn’t set anything. It just feels like you can be on top of the worlds’ luxurious building but if your brains’ not working its not working.

So Last year I went to London thrice for Vacay, can you believe that? Me and London in a sentence which I never thought will happen but it did. I did attend the new years London eye fireworks which was a treat for my eyes and tickle for my brains.I visited all these london tourist places and was like even though no glorious illumination of halo appeared on my forehead or anything it was kind of cool if I think about it.

And if you ask me 2022 was the year which got me in a place in life without the ‘distraction of comfort’ that is my family and friends and to figure out me as a person and to be honest I don’t think I made much progress other than finding my space like saying a lot of no to people to protect my boundaries even when I felt like it will damage their souls forever(in my ADHD mind that’s how people get scarred for life. .because of my one No) and finding comfort, away from new people when ever I felt like and running towards them when I was fully recharged with my social politeness. My social battery is 20 min of talking and 1 hour of staring in silence and going home and not interacting with people for 1 week.so that’s going good. And I don’t think last year went by fast at all. I did a lot of travelling and soul searching. that also in progress.

Strangely I got some good roommates who have started to grow on me but not fully that I scare myself with that thought.

Also I fell myself into a Emily in Paris situation(only saw season1 and left it)..which is I am admired more than I think in this new crowd. okay I don’t remember the plot of Emily in Paris.. maybe they didn’t like her but you know what I mean…its not work wise but generally as a person people like me.I think its Mostly because of my people pleasing skills. You know I used to think this whole time people get interested in us(me and my twin) because of the very fact that we are twins. And that’s something which is interesting and when my sister flew away to Australia I thought there goes my golden passport for being the center of attention and as narcissistic as I sound I like attention without me talking about myself with people. But ..but I am still liked by people around me and they find me interesting ..maybe I am an interesting person .Voila..!!So much for gloating in self pity.

but in this relatively new world I hope i find my footing or realize that I found my footing and just want to remember to be happy and not be anxious all the time.

So that’s it for self discovery for today but I hope I will write in future specifically this Saturday.

PS: Also on a lighter note I don’t feel like its a new year. I don’t remember what’s its supposed to feel like.
More on that next time.

PPS:I know this blog is all over the place but then that’s how my brain feels all the time.

Life update: 06-06-2022

June 6, 2022

Hello..it’s me.So living and loving UK for 2 months now.Its been a rollercoaster ride so far.I did went places from time to time and other weekends enjoyed my company at home.Have been doing cooking more and it’s nice to cook your own food.The instant result and satisfaction is cool.So I went to Birmingham,London, Manchester, Bristol only for even a few minutes also I have stepped my foot in all these places.I will say I visited all the places.Mostly been a days trip or 2 .That’s all.

I still haven’t found my footing here yet.Kind of a lost soul now,but then you can’t expect everything to be perfect,it’s rather a mediocre at best I can say with the pace right now.

The one think I miss most these days is that I have stopped reading that too completely.Its already June and I have only read like 4 books and that’s about it.I know it’s a huge change and will take time to settle.Hence not putting anymore pressure than necessary into that one.Hoping to pick up reading soon.

So that’s my update.Also London was awesome.It was a tick on my bucket list,but I felt more accomplished when I went grocery shopping alone and I survived without any bruised thoughts.Still I have to learn a lot I think. Eventually I will get there.

PS:

Freedom is sweet when you have someone to share it with
Freedom is sweet when you enjoy the little things without fear.

Rail Road

October 17, 2021

life’s a dark rail road
some days we are watching
from i inside the train
while building,trees,tall grass
the comfort of your seat,
the rythm of passing trains
the core is always
to find peace
but then on other days
you are lying face up between rail
when the train is passing above you

Dark and afraid
coping with the anxiety
of not able to get out
anything but peace in mind

I posted this one but yet not polished piece.This is one my fever dreams.Somedays anxiety is hard.

PS:there are 100billion galaxies across the universe as milkyway and the problems we have are silly to nothing.

Wisdom to impart

October 13, 2021

I would like to part some wisdom today:Not because I want to but because I am going through some writers-readers block and am currently living on YouTube.
So the thing I want to say is that we all are afraid to start something new or grab that opportunity because we are afraid.
our fears mostly comes under some of these reasons more or less:

1.What if they find out you are actually not good at it?
2.what if I cant learn it on time?
3.What of I dont deserve the outcome?

4.How will I actually do it?
and on and on and on.

so to those thoughts I want to say, you dont come to this world knowing anything.You just learn and live on the way.


so why stop in between and stunt your growth when you clearly want to take that leap.

thats all.
you didn’t know to speak a language when you were born,so whats the big deal if you want to know to plan a trip.You will learn when you start.
dont have to stand aside just because you dont know how .

PS: Works been repetitive and boring.Somedays you have to do since ot pays.Okay guys bye.