pressure on being perfect the correct weight the proper shape best conduct with people similar to all trees grown to become all same around the world all the flowers that smell the same during all seasons we are also expected to become the one size one mind. who knew its that simple.
—–I like the world little less
This piece was inspired when my family was kind of insinuating my sister for not being perfect body shape for wearing a saree,which was not altogether body shaming as my family has come a long way from that.
PS:Yesterday was onam.It is a festival we celebrate in kerala.So it was kind of hectic but fun.
I haven’t accomplished any thing yet Except for being alive till date Except of thinking I can change something in this world Except for changing minor thoughts of misogyny within my family Except for eating,breathing,and not really realising the small changes my existence resonates a million little ripples. My existence,like the rest of 1.3. Billion people in this country who makes someone else’s day better. Don’t see what replete of accomplishments they themselves have made Except for looking up to someone who has done better…
PS:This is a quick post since I am travelling back to Banglore today after 7 Months.It feels surreal that so much time has passed since I came home. My life has changed so much and I don’t like changes if you know me you know.
The change in scenery from a busy city life to my home in a small village in Kerala.
My mom outside chopping up the woods for the fire stove where we cook food, Even though a brand new stove and hot plate is present in kitchen and if asked why not in kitchen the answer would be why to waste power and gas, Further means a sustainable energy source rather than money spend on gas. And then my grandmother who is sad that the 4 out of 10 chickens are dead.she got them from the person who sells them from a cycle (a small cage with chicks,their eyes wondering if it’s about to die or escape the metal bars), and she is getting in and out of each room aimlessly struggling to find a bearing and not sure if she has to be sad or angry. Sad as in she knew this might happen and angry as she knew it is would happens. It seems like the chicks were too cold in the coup which caused them to die even with at most care. The vague yet the buzzing sound of the old mill which is built just outside our compund,they grind coconuts to make oil, the rice to make the flour which then become a family’s morning breakfast for the coming weekdays. The sound of a random rooster crowing every 10 minutes to irritate me or I think that’s what’s its doing. And the white noise of the ceiling fan which is a necessity than its cold air and don’t ask me why. All this happening while I lie in my makeshift bed in the living room lying down reading a poetry book I ordered in Amazon. The noises if I listen closely is what home sounds like where everyone is way too busier than a weekday.
PS:This was a lazy weekend just like most weekends this year.I tried a different approach in writing today a pros rather than a poetry(if you call that for what I write).please like if you like it.Will try to improve.
The enigmatic cricket sounds filled evenings Are my new normal these days Somedays it’s mixed with the petrichor of the August rain And other days it’s
My Ammama’s old tales of her childhood and how she looked after a whole clan of family from the age of 16,
From the time she came to live with my grandfather as a young bride, Sitting in the easy chair sipping hot tea from steel glass.
My mom after her long day comes back home,sitting across me easing her pain off the foot,enjoying the evening with us
When I mute the voices around and just take in the moment with my family
It just eases my mind to peace and see the luck is with me on some level.
—–Home
Regards to my past self for having the patience to wait so that I am enjoying each moment,these days in whole and it’s not too late to recognise the importance of being there for people who actually takes care of you.
And sometimes it’s enchanting to see all the greenery around me and being close to nature brings joy inside.
PS:On the other hand I am just lazy to even wake up at 10 but my grandmother has other plans.she just has to come to my room and switch off the fan at 8 in the morning.I am sleep deprived. Help me.
On a serious note my prayers are with the people in lebanon as they are going through a lot due to the unfortunate incident.
When all I want is to go home and curl up with the book I half read this morning, The one I started in early hours When my sleep was broken When the room was still dark
And now I dont have time at all to read or escape.
And this was me a month and a half ago Now I am concerned I no longer remember how it was before, No longer waking up before 9 anymore, Maybe going back to work will mostly be me winging it or leave it to my muscle memory to keep the decorum and the routine
And most important ly after all these days of minimal talking and interaction with people I cant go back, I can ever un-know the pleasure Of not having complicated conversations in my mind on confronting people.
——-Before and After
The first stanza I wrote sometime back when it was normal to go to work-work and that day as always was a tiring, not- going-to-end-ever friday.
And the rest I wrote them today due to this silly but weird thoughts that came into my mind.
I just do not want to go to office and see people face to face anymore. I am not a fan of either working from home. I just want to vanish into thin air or something. Okay I know I should take a vacation after all this is over because I deserve it.
Hell I worked on easter and good friday which was awful and unbelievable considering me. Okay this has turned into a rant section again. So I will stop it now and cry myself to sleep. Jk… jk… byeee
PS: I want to buy so much stuff that I saw on tik tok and I dont even know why!!
Today to be honest I was a bit lazy to write a blog today but anyway here I am(future me:Even went on tik tok for a couple minutes)thats how much my willpower is sheding and writing is keeping me sane, So its been over a month since I am stuck in my hostel room and will tell you what differences I am seeing from week 1 and week 5.
1.How hobbies changed:
– At first I thought I would invest time on reading and writing, as I was convincing myself I did not had time before.And to be honest I started of pretty well.Finished reading 3 books on first week itself wrote poems and stuff.On week 5 all I do during weekdays are work, work, work and sleep.Weekends Netflix…Just finished watching season5 on How to get away with murder and I am pissed on 2 things 1.Season 6 is not yet there in Netflix 2.Plot is just pissing me off but I am addicted.
2.Exercise and self care:
-At week 1 I thought I would concentrate more on exercise and food controlling and everything.Here though I had some starting trouble but then catched up soon.So on self care area I am doing okay I guess.Dont know how this will turn up though.
3.Life in general:
-I am kind of systematic and functioning properly but my work life balance is f**ked.
4.Listening to music:
-Listening to music is some thing I do not get time for as I used to listen to music on the way to and coming back from work as most of you too does but sometimes my bluetooth speaker blares with music to be often interrupted by work calls.So I stopped altogether.Should not blame me guys.
5.How am I dealing with social media?
-Even though it quarantine not spending time on social media as often as I like, because I could tolerate earlier when people used to have that bomb life, and sharing stuff and now that they are even doing lockdown better than me.Hell no.Thats a whole new level of hitting my self esteem.
Ps:I listened to music today while watching the sunset today. It was awesome.
To lighten your moods a little something I wrote.Hope, will bring you back some old, or current memories.
The evening sun bright
Shining through the intricate branches of trees, reaching high
Yet we escaped the heat…
In its shadows.
With a heavy backpack
An uneven socks one standing
And other sagging,old ..
Walking not knowing a million things
And a Crush in heart..
—14 year old minds.
Just go back into memories to relive those moments of having to go to school to just get a glimpse of your senior/junior crush.Those were the days just wishing,hoping to be seen.The adrenaline rushes and the Tingling that you felt then could never be bought back.I miss my highschool heart and brain.So innocent still dumb.
PS:With corona going on and you all are safe inside you homes I hope,stay safe and please help government to do there jobs.
I am currently reading Maybe you should talk to someone by Lori Gottlieb.I haven’t finished it yet but this story the narrator is telling has fairly made a lot of sense and could at least solve some of our issues that we face day-to-day Chapter 22 of this book says about the story or a short essay as mentioned in the book “Welcome to Holland”.see this a sneak peak and do read the book. To briefly summarise the whole story,when you are going to have a baby is similar to planning a trip to Italy,the most romantic and beautiful place.so you prepare for the vacation,buy things,try to learn the language and research about the fabulous places that is there. And you wait for around 8 months when you are almost there you board the flight and it takes off only know that you not going to Italy but to Holland. You seem perplexed and agitated because it was your dream to go to Italy but the plane landed in Holland and you are stuck there.You cant get away or do anything. It was not a difficult place but a different one ,the one that you were not expecting.You try to cope with the place by trying to adapt and adjust and slowly get the hang of the place and you find it beautiful,starts to enjoy it even. You seem to see people who actually got to go to the trip to Italy though and you wish sometimes you could have also gotten the chance.The trip that you actually planned too. This is the part were you have to be careful that you did enjoy where you are and not sulk but live your life to the fullest at where you have reached. Its just different and is better place too.
This is the story,you are trying,trying trying harder and its not your fault that you have ended up in a whole different setup than you actually imagined.If you think about it,the whole Italy might have been a whole different experience but it is too just place like Holland.
Try exploring where you are now in your life too.Life has its way of getting you to places that you have least expected and make you enjoy it. Its not all about what everybody wants but what you wants that counts.
PS:Enjoy the little things,January 26 of year 2020 will never come again. .
It is always bitter sweet to say good bye and that happens to me even when I was leaving for Christmas holidays to my home.It is in Thiruvanthapuram,Kerala,the gods own country. This is my second Christmas since I became employed and the 4 heavy packs of bag,since with the serious contemplation,I did take my office laptop.The twin was anyway more anxious to catch the bus and still excited to go home.It s a overnight journey from Banglore to Thiruvanthapuram,We had some yum Dosa for dinner and boarded the bus.At around 7 am we reached nagercoil a town which is in the southern state of tamil nadu and a 2:45 hr bus journey from our home to thiruvanthapuram,the capital district of kerala. With each of us handling 2 equally heavy bags we got out from our bus.The bus station is on other side of the road for which I will always be thankful to God every single time I had to carry my heavy bags .
The morning was beautiful and nice and it had to start raining(great!!!!!!),I had to use the washroom badly too.After all the paying and who will take care of the bags and using the restroom fiasco,we reached the bus station and we had time so had some crispy vada- a deepfried snack and tea from the nearby shop.After all the things were done we headed to find a bus to our home. Once we boarded the bus,I was out as a light bulb at dark.
Vada
It was still raining when we reached, My uncle came to get us and I elegnatly hit my head while getting in the car,that I did!!. We chatted for a while,looking at these greener fields and the sky still dark due to rain I always wonder at the beauty and serenity of the place I grew up. When we reached ammama-grandma was preparing lunch as it was almoat lunch time but then I had this breakfast of authentic kerala breakfast-appam and egg curry,(appam kind of crepe with crispy edges). waiting for it .…with crab curry.yummyyyyyyy.
Appam and egg curryCrab curry
Once the breakfast was done and remember it still was raining(dang rain) and it was raining non stop for the whole day FYI,so what I did…. I changed to my warm and cozy PJ’s,went to bed read the book(P.S I Love you by Cecelia ahern)I carried all the way home.It was perfect.Occasionally I came out of my hybernation to chat with mom and ammama and more occasionally to eat all the food. The twin unlike me was has put on her finest clothes and went to church,shopping with aunt and other things over the weekend as we reached on Friday(20 dec).After 2 days including the day I came,my sweet little hybernation has ended abruptly, that I so needed on Sunday had to go to church. This is not the I church we go every Sunday but the extremely important church in the city and along the coastal area as Thiruvanthapuram is a part of peninsular India.And by this time the rain has long stopped and I did not had any other reason to not go and top of all of it,It was a SUNDAY.After considering the whole scenario of not going and angering my ammama , I finally changed my pyjamas(yes after 2 days and don’t judge me,if you do its cool too).
……to be cont.
PS:Will be continued with the story about how the church trip went by and the time I met my highschool friends.
Happy endings….Okay first of all because of title of you thought this is a negative rant about Happy Endings…then sorry you are at the wrong place…and still you want to continue …read along…
Recently I have written a blog post Titled- “Consuming Stories”
After that I sat down and thought…Not like 6 hours
straight or anything but it was in my mind constantly. What kind of stories I
like to see, read or be with-in my head.
So for one I never liked horror stories (sorry…even if how pathetic the story line is I get scared even if a strand of hair is out of place and that movie might even get a 5star rating from me for being so terrifying) except for the back stories for which the ghost does all this tricks(noble ghosts!!).So I stopped watching them long back. But then you might think it’s the Rom-Com I am interested in, only a few in couple of months. And as for thrillers and murder mysteries count me in (side note: No stabbing in the eye or gruesome organ scenes or birth scenes and anything to do with people just screaming while they are tortured…..What is it with people???).I like the unravelling mystery or the hidden agenda. And then the other kind of coming out teen movies, high school movies and musicals(Yeah I am a happy soul..:D)
A few years back I was interested in contents based on secret societies or mysteries or any videos and article including anything hidden…All the excavations, ancient runes and history….It was fun but then I grew out of it (Yeah I hoped that phase remained).All this monologue to say I am in a HAPPY ENDINGS Phase now(Is it a thing or did I just invent that!!!(Not googl-ing it though!!!!Let me have that moment..))
Happy Endings mean a lot to me now and yes they are deceiving comparing to real lives but then that’s what it is for right. Escape from reality. You just don’t want to escape from a reality to something much more stressful and devastating. Yeah I know with the internet and other social platforms and contents out there choose wisely what you consume..as I have read somewhere Your diet includes not just what you eat or drink but what types conversations you are in and what kind of things you see and feel too, With the world like this we have to choose from what we want to know and what we don’t want to know.
PS:My HAPPY ENDING PHASE has strictly followed diet of reading heartfelt books, fulfilling movies and all the somethings I like to sit and enjoy for which I won’t be on my toes and pray(coughs….GOT coughs..lets all be real but that was stressful as hell).But we all know that one character has to got to die but why????
sallyreader,when she writes 